Dumb Luck
by CitrusBlast
Summary: The Dork Trio's latest creation gets... misdirected.
1. Chapter 1

_Legal disclaimer: I don't own this stuff, Joss does, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda, I just used the characters, no rights, 'cept for the ones I make up, so sue me. Or don't, rather. _

_This takes place somewhere in Season Six._

"Essence of Qua'lath'la demon… powdered unicorn horn… poison from a Rehkar's fang, and a good ol' jolt of… what was the frequency again?" Warren asked.

"22.371 megahertz, for a sustained period of… ten seconds." Jonathan said, reading his computer screen intently. Using their technological know-how in tandem with what they were learning of mysticism could be dangerous if done wrong.

Warren tuned the generator to the exact frequency, set a stopwatch for ten seconds, and turned it on. When the process was complete, the mixture had somehow reached a temperature of one-thirty-five Celsius. He used the tongs to put it into the fridge to cool. In 36 hours, when he drank the elixir… Buffy would get what was coming to her…

Warren was deep in thought when his cousin came into the room. Dave was letting the trio stay at his apartment after the basement had self-destructed. He was the same age as Warren, and also a computer nerd, but didn't have an interest in the occult. Warren had invited him to join the trio, but he'd refused, politely, on the grounds that he had more important shit to do than try to take over Sunnydale. Like pass Trig. It was of no consequence. Warren was thinking in bigger terms than Sunnydale. He wanted the world. Someday. He would settle for Sunnydale now. But Buffy was in his way, and she needed to be dealt with.

Dave walked into the living room to see Warren and Andrew hunched over some sort of apparatus. He could only guess as to what it was. Actually, he didn't want to. He knew that Warren, Jonathan, and… that… other one… he could never remember the short, blond, whiny kid's name… were into the occult, and were generally a menace to Sunnydale at large, but he figured, as long as they help with the rent and utilities, who gives?

"Don't burn the place down while I'm gone, a'right?" he said, walking out the door. Advanced programming waits for no man.

…

Dave didn't get home until late that night. He hated getting back late. While he was fairly well-built, and was confident he could handle himself in a one-on-one fight with a mugger… there were worse things in this town than muggers that came out after dark.

He breathed a little easier when he crossed the threshold of his apartment. He came in, and could see that Warren was passed out on the couch. Jonathan and the whiny kid were probably in their room. He went to the fridge to grab the shake he had made earlier that day. Unfortunately, the fridge light was out, and what he downed in one, large, thirsty gulp was not a shake.

"Uaaallahch!" he gagged and started into a coughing fit. Hearing the commotion, Warren, Jonathan, and Andrew all rushed into the kitchen area. One of them flicked a light-switch, and illuminated a gagging, coughing, Dave, now writhing on the floor from the pain welling in his stomach. All of their eyes widened when they saw the bottle the formula had been lying on the floor near him; empty.

"Oh my god!" Jonathan said, "What do we do?"

"Call and ambulance!" Andrew yelled.

"No!" Warren yelled back at him, "They wouldn't know what to do, and do you really think that we would come out of this scott-clean? We gotta go." He looked down at his cousin, who was still convulsing on the linoleum, looked back at Andrew and Jonathan, and said, very calmly, "Get everything you can, we're leaving."

They were just about to obey when suddenly, Dave stopped convulsing. But more than that, he stopped everything. Even breathing, it seemed. He was as stiff as a board. They continued to stare at him for a moment longer when Warren barked, "Get moving!", and they practically wet themselves as they rushed back to their room and gathered their equipment and clothing.

Now alone in the kitchen, Warren looked down at what used to be his cousin, and kneeled next to him, examining him closely. He reached towards his neck, and felt for a pulse. Nothing……. nothing…… beat……. Warren jumped in shock, and put his finger back on his cousin's neck. Yes… the beats were a few seconds apart, but they were there, for sure. He wasn't imagining them.

He stood up quickly when he heard the other two coming back.

"Alright, let's go." He said, without any indication of what he had just found out. He figured the poison was just taking a bit longer to kill Dave than expected. The three exited the house, and got into their van, making their way across town to a hotel.


	2. Chapter 2

Several hours passed, while the beats in Dave's neck grew stronger, and faster.

"What-the-shit?" he yelled, as he bolted upright, rushing to the sink, turning on the water, and taking several large gulps of water to wash the horrid taste out of his mouth.

"I swear to god I'll kill those freaking geeks!" he spat. Calming down some, and turning off the water, he walked the house, seeing that they had taken all of their equipment, most of their clothes, and left. _What the hell?_ he thought to himself… _Do they really think I would 'a killed 'em? Maybe yelled at them a lot, but I've always known that I was gonna end up on the wrong end of one of their science experiments... ahh well, good riddance._ And with that, he went to bed.

The next day was routine, get up, do homework until 4 o'clock, then go to class. Linux stuff. Again, today was a late-day, so he hurried home. Unfortunately, somebody else chose the same night to make his way home a feeding ground. As he was passing between two buildings downtown, a very large someone stepped out of the shadows ahead of him, barring the way out of the alley. He quickly turned around and was brusquely walking back the way he came, when a not-as-large, but equally menacing someone pulled the same trick at the other side of the alley. He glanced backwards, and saw that the first person was advancing slowly, and the person ahead had begun a similar advance… like synchronized swimmers… synchronized killers…

"Frack me…" Dave said quietly, though he doubted that either were Battlestar Galactica fans, and even if they were, that common ground would not be enough to spare his life. He could see one of them clearly now, between the moon and a fluorescent sign in the alley… his face was disfigured… his eyes… a yellowish, freakish color, like a cat's. But what really worried Dave were the man's teeth. They were a full inch longer than they should have been. At least, the canines and incisors.

"Uhhh… can't we talk about this?" Dave said, only half-joking. He knew he was going to die. He hadn't been a bad person in life, just a bit careless. He didn't recycle often, he couldn't at the moment recall his mother's birthday, and the girl he loved was on the other side of the planet. Not a bad life… just… it could have gone a little better.

He made a dash to get away from the man in front of him, when the guy grabbed his arm, pulling him back. The guy was impossibly strong. _Vampire. I've lived here my whole life. I've heard the rumors, all the bullshit, all the missing people, strange deaths, weird shit, magic. He's a vampire. I believe now. I don't know why I didn't before. Not really. I just shrugged it off... now... the evidence is to the contrary._ While these thoughts were rushing through his head, the vampire-man had kept his iron-grip on Dave's arm, and waited for his companion to get to them.

"You want first bite this time?" the bigger one asked. _Holy shit, they're actually talking about who is going to drink my blood first..._ David struggled, but the grip didn't loosen.

"Nah, I got it last time, you can have it this time sweetie." The shorter one said, somewhat lispy… _Holy fuck... it's not just that I'm going to die by way of vampire bite, I'm gonna be killed by gay vampires... gay vamps... haha... that's some messed up shit right there._

The bigger one leaned in on his neck, and Dave prepared for the worst pain imaginable. Instead, all he felt was the vamp's mouth on his neck. Then he pulled back after a second.

"What the hell?" The larger vampire seemed confused, and went at David's neck with even more fervor. Again, no pain. Then the vampire literally picked him up off the ground and started interrogating him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" he said, as if honestly expecting a response.

"Uhhh…" David said intelligently.

This did not please the hungry vampire.

He threw David against the brick wall of the building as hard as he could, figuring he must have some kind of anti-vampire enchantment on him. Well… they could still drink the blood from a gushing head-wound.

Except that plan was ruined by the fact that it was the brick wall that was crushed in the impact, instead of Dave.


	3. Chapter 3

Dave just looked around. His backside had made a fairly large indentation in the brick wall. In point of fact, if the vampire had thrown him harder, he might've gone completely through it. Yet… here he was, conscious, seemingly unhurt, and without even a minor ache or pain. An idea popped into his head. Still leaning against the wall, he balled his fist, and swung it into the bricks as hard as he could.

SMASH! Several bricks collapsed through to the other side.

He could probably easily escape with a few more hits… but he suddenly wasn't interested in escape, recycling, his mom's birthday, or how he was even alive right now. He turned his eyes towards the vampires, who had been standing speechless through the entire ordeal, and started walking toward _them_, slowly.

……

Buffy heard the commotion down the alley, and quickly jumped from the roof she had been walking upon, but what she saw when she got there was not what she was expecting.

_God, I'm too late._ She chided herself, when she saw the vampire throw the guy into the brick wall. However, things changed from there on out. Normally Slaying isn't a spectator sport, but tonight, she was getting quite a show. These vamps, who thought they had total control of the situation, found that their quarry was… not normal. She couldn't figure out herself what exactly he was. Half-demon, magically enhanced, or what. But he seemed just as surprised to find out that he was whatever he was as she was. _If anyone ever heard the way I think... they'd get confused... _Buffy mused.

He had no fighting style, per se, he just threw punches that seemed to flatten the vamps whenever they hit. But he wasn't as fast as them. After a few minutes, they had what was clearly a stalemate… since he couldn't kill them; because he didn't have a stake, and sunrise wasn't for hours yet, and they couldn't kill him; simply because he seemed to be either immune to harm, or completely oblivious to pain. Buffy decided to end the fray. She leapt down from her perch silently and dusted one vamp the second she landed behind him.

Both the guy and vamp looked stunned, but the guy took advantage of the situation to grab the other vampire, who had been the shorter of the two, and push him towards Buffy, keeping him off-balance, so as to make an easy target. He was dust a second later.

"So, you going to introduce yourself, or do I just call you 'That guy who can get punched in the head a lot and not feel it'?" Buffy asked, with an apprehensive grin on her face.

……

"Uhhh…." Dave said, even more intelligently than he had answered the vampire.

"David," he finally said, "my name's Dave." He extended a hand in friendship, and she took it. "I take it you're a… professional… vampire killer?"

"Slayer," she said, half-smiling, "actually, that's the term, Vampire Slayer. But yeah. What are you?"

"No idea. I think it's because of this stuff that my cousin made."

"But you're human, right?"

"Yup."

"What was the stuff?" Buffy asked.

"I wish I could tell you, but honestly, I have no idea. I thought I was grabbing a chocolate shake, and instead, I drink this nasty formula that Warren and his dorksquad made, next thing I know, I'm laying on my back on the kitchen floor, and everyone's gone."

"Whoa-whoa, wait… Warren? Warren… ummm, what's his last name? And Jonathan and Andrew?" Buffy asked, now somewhat annoyed.

Dave snapped his fingers as if remembering something vital. "Ah! That's it! Andrew! I can never remember the blond, whiny one's name, but yeah, them…. Wait, how do you know them?"

"They've been a thorn in my butt for the past few months. Almost got me killed a few times too, but then again, who hasn't?"

"You've gotta be kidding me…" Dave said, unbelieving… well… almost unbelieving… if this woman was the resident vampire killer and general do-gooder in Sunnydale, it was wholly possible that the dork trio, having been a self-proclaimed menace, would…

"Oh my god!" David exclaimed, slapping his forehead. "You're the one they're always talking about! Buffy! Holy… I thought that was like, their favorite… porn star… or something… now it all makes sense… I've heard them use the word 'Slayer' at least a couple of times. Mostly in the negative sense. They're always talking about what they want to do to you, I thought they were just being perverts, but I guess they were talking about… revenge stuff, planning, and whatnot." He said, now grimacing.

Buffy just had an indefinable look upon her face. Her eyes were slightly glaring, from the porn star reference, and her mouth was open slightly, and she let out a single, light laugh.

"So, where are they now?" she asked carefully, still slightly annoyed about the porn star name insinuation.

"No clue. They left me on my kitchen floor after I drank the stuff. Took all their equipment, packed up and moved out."

"You wouldn't be trying to protect them… would you?" Buffy asked, with new suspicion… if this was Warren's cousin, there's no telling what he might do to keep him safe…

"Trust me, there's very little in the way of family bonding in our, well… family. I let Warren and his dorks stay with me because they promised to split the rent and utilities. Plus there's the fact that he left me for dead on my kitchen floor. That kind of irks me, now that I think about it. I'd be happy to let you know if I hear from them. You got a number?" Dave asked, grabbing his schoolbag from the ground and handing her a small piece of paper and a pen. She didn't write her number down right away, but when he gave her a small 'oh please' eye-roll, she simply chuckled and wrote down her number.

"I promise not to misuse it," he said, tucking the note into his jeans pocket, and smiled at her.

"You'd better not." She said, mock-sternly.

"I'll see you later, goodnight."

"Um, yeah, I'm still on patrol until sunup, but see you later."

………

_I'm so calling her, whether I hear from them or not..._

………

_He'd better call me, whether he hears from them or not..._


End file.
